


Not-So-Lost Videos

by TheSeasonOfWinter



Category: Code Geass
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canonical Character Death, Found Footage, Gen, not sorry, three cheers for crying our eyes out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-09
Updated: 2020-05-13
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:40:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23567734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSeasonOfWinter/pseuds/TheSeasonOfWinter
Summary: No doubt people will figure out who it was, but Milly didn’t care. She just had to get this out to the public.And the next day, she came to work with this sentence on the tip of her tongue: “Hey, you wanna see a video of the Demon Emperor dressed as a cat?”...An impulse leads to a favor to Nunnally, to a government conspiracy that changes the tone of the peace the world has experienced since the assassination of Emperor Lelouch vi Britannia.
Relationships: Kururugi Suzaku & Lelouch Lamperouge | Lelouch vi Britannia, Nunnally vi Britannia & Lelouch Lamperouge | Lelouch vi Britannia
Comments: 128
Kudos: 805





	1. We All Start Somewhere

They were anonymously posted by the not so anonymous Milly Ashford. 

It had been two years since she started her job as a news anchor, and she was proud that it took that long before the constant flow of trivial stories caused her to lose her mind which resulted in her chucking her phone across the room for no other reason than to see it break.

Relief was short lived as she was forced to pick up the pieces of her fit, i.e. her phone which was in many, many pieces. Oh well, she needed a new one anyway. But when the girl behind the counter of the tech store asked if she wanted to transfer all of her pictures and videos onto her new cell, Milly became aware of the fact that she had had that phone all throughout high school.

“Yes, please,” she responded without hesitation, and she waited with itchy fingers as the employee transferred her memories. Memories of a simpler, happier time. A time when all of her friends were alive, and none of them murderers. Milly was very careful with her memories.

Milly tried to hide how off she felt for the rest of the day, anxious to run home and sync her phone to her laptop and just relive her happiest time without Refrain. 

When his face appeared on the screen, Milly cried. 

All of these pictures were of a different person, someone as dead as the monster he became. All these videos were of so many people Milly cared about who would never smile like this again. Milly used to wonder if Lelouch’s pain over losing his mother ever faded, or if it hurt just as much years later. Now she had her answer. 

It was an impulsive decision (like all of Milly’s decisions, really), but she felt like she had to share the memory. She wanted to show everyone the person the student council knew, even if that person didn’t exist anymore. Even if that person never existed in the first place. So that very night, making a fake account, Milly posted it all. No doubt people will figure out who it was, but she didn’t care. She just had to get this out to the public.

And the next day, she came to work with this sentence on the tip of her tongue: “Hey, you wanna see a video of the Demon Emperor dressed as a cat?”

Of course it went viral, how could it not? Any chance to shame a tyrant more, any reason to laugh at him, any reason to further justify their hate. 

That was the original reason people watched it, but afterwards it was to show their friends and coworkers and family members how weird it was to see the literal devil act so human.

The first video started off in an extremely weird way: the shaky image of Lelouch vi Britannia tied to a chair getting his makeup done.

“No! No way,” His purple eyes were wide as he leaned back as far as possible from a brush being brandished by a pretty redhead in a cat costume. 

“Stay still,” she ordered as she tried to apply whatever was on the brush to the prince’s eyelids.

“Shirley, I’m serious! Get off!” Lelouch turned his head again, causing her to miss and smear a purple streak on his cheek. 

“Oh!” She fumed, reaching out to wipe it off, “Lulu, look what you did!”

Lulu was a popular meme after this video popped up. #GoToHellLulu was trending for at least three weeks.

“That’s it!” Shirley straightened up, striking out with her arm to point at someone just out of frame. “Suzaku, hold him!”

You could actually see the panic that came over Lelouch as his struggles intensified. “No, no, no, Suzaku, don’t you  _ dare -” _

If the totally undignified appearance of the 99th Emperor was a shock, the image of the Knight of Zero, already decked out in costume and makeup, was almost enough to send people rolling on the floor in fits. 

Suzaku Kururugi entered the frame in a cat onesie, hands braced on Lelouch’s shoulders as the dress up continued. 

Most people couldn’t even recognize the late knight. There was an actual smile on his face, and he was laughing as whiskers were drawn on a terrorist. The struggle and the cursing coming from his future sovereign only elicited more gaity from the whole group.

“Finishing touch, Rivals!” came the voice of the recorder, and a smaller boy with dark hair popped into frame holding cat ears with a chipper, “On it, prez!”

If Lelouch vi Britannia could move, there was no doubt in anyone’s mind that he would be out the door at a full sprint. Some people questioned why he didn’t just use his Geass if he didn’t want to do this that bad.

The dark cat ears were forced on his head, and the usual people who were obsessed with murders tried to tone down how cute they thought he was (in public at least).

“I’m serious, Suzaku! Cut it out!” Lelouch shook as hard as he could to try and get away. 

“Sorry, Lelouch, but it’s the president's orders.” Suzaku replied, not sounding apologetic at all 

“Yeah, as if you’re not enjoying this,” Lelouch muttered bitterly. 

The glare the exiled prince sent his ‘friends’ was appropriate on a brutal emperor’s face. He started thrashing, trying to knock off the ears which caused small screams and shrieks of laughter as the student council tried to hold him, the video shaking. There was a sound of a door opening, and everyone in the frame froze. 

The camera whirled around to show a beautiful girl standing timidly in the doorway, posture demure but blue eyes alive with tired confusion. 

The public cheered at the sight of Kallen Kouzuki, a samurai of the new Japan who fought as one of the Black Knights. Everyone was aware of her double life story, but no one ever really got to see how the spitfire warrior acted during her Britannian school days. 

The person behind the camera cried out in joy. “Good meow-ning! Pick out a costume!” 

Kallen would have probably just left, but the recorder scrambled towards her and yanked her inside, closing the door. 

“Good … morning, I guess.”

The meek and demure tone sent a stab of shock through people. No one knew how good Kallen’s acting really was back then. 

Kallen meandered over and got a closer look at the chaos. “What is all this?”

“What do you mean, didn’t we tell you?” Rivalz exclaimed. “It’s our welcome party for Arthur.”

The camera panned quickly to the left to zoom in on a raggedy looking alley cat reclining on a cat tower. 

“Sounds like fun.” Kallen commented in a dead tone. Not that anyone was paying attention, already turning back to their captive and applying more makeup to Lelouch. 

“Well classes are postponed, we might as well have some fun, right?” You could heat the smile in Milly’s voice. 

“I set some stuff aside for you,” Shirley said, “over here to make up for my behavior before … take your pick!”

Now that was some drama the public will never be in the know of. 

“What? … for me?” Kallen looked torn between being touched and being put off, but Lelouch’s voice directed the camera back to his face. 

“She doesn’t need a costume,” he said in a voice that could be considered either scornful or teasing. “You’re already wearing a mask, right?”

When Milly watched this for the first time in two years, she couldn’t believe how she missed that. Lelouch wasn’t even trying to hide at that point, and that tone was all vi Britannia. 

Kallen’s face twisted into a scowl that didn’t fit her Britannian personality. “You’re a real riot, you know that? You should be on television.”

Rivalz turned to Shirley, “what do you think, Miss TV star?”

“Oh, I thought she meant Lelouch -“ Suzaku admitted, causing two whole countries of people to be torn for their hatred of him and endearing the comment. 

Shirley gave a sigh of irritation. “Would you quit joking about that? The whole thing’s a huge pain in the butt! We’ve been hounded for questions day and night - even in the bath!”

The public may not have made note of a pretty high schooler’s suicide, but they did remember that hostage situation. It only took some minor research to figure out what Shirley was talking about. 

“We haven’t been able to leave school grounds in a week because of reporters.” Milly pouted. 

Once it was released, people had edited the video to zoom in on Lelouch’s face to see how he would react to his so called friends being in danger he started, but he was only actively trying to rub his cat whiskers off on his shoulder and struggle out of his bindings. 

“Not that I don’t feel for you, but I don’t see why we can’t leave either,” Rivalz mutters, holding Lelouch’s head to keep him from smudging their work. 

“That’s the price of friendship,” Milly chirps. “The Romance of the Three Kingdoms: it matters not that we were born apart, upon this day, we die as one.”

Milly remembered studying that in school - twice actually. 

“Is that your idea of a love quote?”

“If I go down, then we all do,” Milly’s paw was able to be seen in the camera, along with Rivalz’s startled face and Lelouch just raising his eyebrows and glancing away as if he expected that.

“That’s a little dark,” Rivalz admitted, “right, Suzaku?”

Rivalz looked over at the soldier and his look of surprise was perfectly in the frame. Lelouch looked up too and actually mirrored his expression although not as intensely.

The camera whirled over to Suzaku, and the world all gave a collective gasp at the fact that the White Reaper, Knight of Zero, Sword of the Demon Emperor, Suzaku Kururugi, was crying while wearing a cat costume.

“I’m glad,” Suzaku’s voice was swollen with emotion, and he brought up a paw to cover his eyes, “that we can all be together again, ya’know?”

The expression on Lelouch’s face was alien to almost everyone but the few who knew him. Nunnally had never actually seen this expression, but she knew it. A soft curve at his mouth as his eyebrows slanted upwards in fondness.

The rest of the world was rendered speechless.

How did this man have the right to smile like that?

The moment of wonder ended as Rivalz suddenly leapfrogged over Lelouch and dragged Suzaku to the floor in a headlock, crying for him to lighten up. Everyone burst into laughter as the knight’s face was squeezed by someone he could have easily taken down.

“That’s what’s so refreshing about Suzaku though,” Shirley defended good-naturedly.

“Yeah, but once in a while you just want him to get a clue, you know?” Milly shook the camera as if she was nodding her head.

“So-wree ‘bout dat,” Suzaku struggled to say.

“Awwww, widdle puddy-cat,” Rivalz cooed sarcastically, letting the room erupt with laughter again.

Lelouch had escaped the frame in the chaos, and when Milly turned back to him, his chair was empty, rope lying cut on the floor.

“Ehhhh!” Milly swung the camera around the room, but the ex-prince wasn’t there. “Where’d he go?!”

“Sorry, Milly!” 

Shakily, the camera landed on the door leading to the hallway where Lelouch was already leaning out of, dropping his cat ears. “Gotta run!”

The terrorist ran.

Milly let out a war cry, and her paw flashed into the camera pointing like an arrow. “Suzaku, fetch!”

“But cats don’t fetch?” the knight protested, while sitting up.

“Go, go, go, go, go!” Milly commanded.

“Okay, okay!” Suzaku laughed, taking off like a shot.

Even with his head start, Lelouch’s voice could be heard farther away, screaming, “Suzaku, get the hell away from me!”

“Well, that won’t take long,” Nina sighed from her laptop.

“Yeah, I’ll give Lelouch fifteen seconds tops before Suzaku drags him back here.” Kallen agreed, sitting down in an unmanned chair at the table.

“And if he does get away, we can just get Nunnally to bring him back.” Rivalz rests his arms behind his head from his spot on the floor.

“Haha, true. Oh, Lelouch is too easy,” Milly turned off the camera.

Hindsight is 20/20, and Milly - who even knew who her friend was, knew what he had been through - actually thought someone who grew up with Princess Cornelia and Prince Schneizel was actually going to be as easy to force and trick as one of her regular classmates.

Of course, that mindset was probably what Lelouch wanted.

Milly didn’t regret posting it, even with all of the hate it got.

Didn't regret it one bit.


	2. Causation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I did not expect such a turn out for a little plot bunny that I only wrote because I like making myself sad. Haha, seems like we have that in common. 
> 
> Thank you so much.

The title wave of views afterwards was insane. The amount of hate that fake account got was so impressive it actually made Milly laugh out loud.

Even if the comments of  _ ‘you can't humanize the devil,’  _ and  _ ‘what kind of sick propaganda is this?'  _ cut a little too deeply than she would like.

Milly expected it to be big, but not this big. Not to the point that she even had to cover it on the news. 

In the back of her mind, she worried about losing her job if she’s found out, but she had friends in high places. She has backing, and she used that knowledge to keep calm, after all, she was Nunnally's friend.

People love Empress Nunnally, but they seem to forget that she loves her brother.

Save for the few comments of  _ ‘why is this cute?'  _ and  _ ‘is it weird that this makes me smile?’  _ that gave Milly enough courage to post again.

She created another account and uploaded a six second clip of herself tricking Shirley by recording a video instead of taking her picture. Lelouch is asleep in the background at his desk, not that anyone could tell what with how perfect he was at sleeping in class. 

Milly thinks a majority of the views on that video was because of Rivalz knocking on Lelouch’s head to wake him up. It probably didn’t hurt to see Kallen similarly passed out at her own desk.

Milly could only guess at what they had been doing the night before. 

She’s aware that it would only take a bit of research and typing in the name Lelouch Lamperouge into Google to discover that the only person not in frame is her, but Milly felt compelled to continue.

As if she was paying her respects.

Maybe this is her laying flowers at the grave her friend doesn’t have. 

She wonders if what’s left of the counsel had seen them. If maybe they’ll contact her about them eventually.

It's by the fourth video that Nunnally calls her to schedule a meeting at the palace for next week.

It had been another short clip, dinner at the Lamprogue’s, and it showed a shakily view of Rivalz trying to surreptitiously slam a handful of flour on Lelouch’s head who was facing the counter, cooking for them. 

Suzaku intervened at the last second, and Lelouch playfully slapped Rivalz with a dishcloth. He was actually laughing, head thrown back and eyes bright. 

People were foaming at the mouth over this clip, typing angrily, ranting about it in public and online. 

It was interesting to see how many people were positive Milly’s online personality was some terrorist or demon-sympathist when, little did they know, she gave them the morning news. It probably helps that she’s a good liar and told everyone with tears in her eyes that someone stole her old laptop that she’s had since high school recently. They must have stolen the videos from her hard drive.

Rivalz knew better, though, and had texted her - asking not in his usual rapid fire but in a monosyllabic anxiety. 

_ “Why?” _

And what else could she say but the truth. 

_ “I felt like it.” _

She felt like humanizing Lelouch because he was a human. He had wants and concerns, and he loved and hated. Did he do terrible things? Yes, but he was Milly’s friend. 

He’s Nunnally’s brother, and Milly felt like the world should know more of the human before he became the devil. 

_ “Ok” _

Milly didn’t know what Rivalz meant, if he was upset or not, but there wasn’t a reply afterwards. 

Milly wondered if that was as enough for him as it was for her. 

The next day there was a new video, but Milly didn’t post it. 

She didn’t recognize the username, but she remembered watching it the day it was filmed. 

Lelouch was sitting on a stool on a platform, surrounded by many students behind canvases. He was bent over in a thinking position, but his gaze was drawn by the person recording him. 

“This is about painting from life, not painting from film.” Lelouch spoke quietly, his mouth barely moving in his effort to stay still. 

Rivalz’s laughter shook the camera, and Lelouch’s eyebrows pinched a bit. 

“You can never stay still long enough! I have to record or I’ll never get the picture!”

“That’s not true,” Lelouch said, true to his word by not moving, “I’ve done this before. For longer too.”

“What? When?”

Lelouch’s eyes fell away from Rivalz and looked into the empty space before him. “When I was a kid.”

There was a big sigh, and Milly smiled, knowing exactly what that meant. 

“Of course you have. You’ve been all suave and handsome since the crib, haven’t you?” Rivalz lamented, catching on camera Lelouch’s bewildered if amused face. “How is that far? Is nothing in life sacred?”

“I was, like, seven years old, dude.” 

“Oh, I don’t wanna hear it.” Rivals stood up and shoved the camera in Lelouch’s face, blurred purple eyes and pale skin the only thing visible in the viewfinder. “Let’s get your close up, eh? Don’t want the world to miss out on any of your blessings!”

“Wait, Rivalz! Stop!” Lelouch’s laughter was a bubbly thing, and his hands appeared to be fighting the camera back. 

Rivalz continued his teasing even as the rest of the classroom sounded with protests as Lelouch moved from his pose, and then the camera turned off. 

Milly had the chance to talk to Rivalz at the palace, happy, but not surprised at seeing him in the waiting room too.

“Hey, Prez.” He gave a two fingered salute with a tired smile on his face.

Rivalz had really mellowed out since . . . everything. He no older seemed over the moon with her, and although Milly didn’t mind that, she missed his energy. She missed a lot of things, though.

“Hey, yourself.” She sat down next to him, stretching her legs out a bit. “What do you think she’s gonna say?”

“Nunnally? I don’t know, maybe the same thing I asked.” Rivalz said.

They sat in silence for maybe five seconds before Milly worked up the courage to ask. “Do you think they upset her?”

Rivalz leaned back and looked up at the ceiling with a weariness Milly never would have expected of him when they were in high school. “I don’t know, Milly. I hope not. Enough has hurt her already.”

He shot her a look. “Will you stop if she asks?”

Milly looked down at her hands, drawing her legs under her chair like a dying spider. “Yes, I will.”

They were called into a beautiful room where the Empress sat. Milly would never get enough of seeing Nunnally, especially her eyes which were as clear as Lelouch’s but less strained. Her eyes were still held the warmth that Lelouch's couldn't hold on to.

Maybe he didn't want to.

Milly’s hand shook at the thought and at the sight of the person behind her friend.

Zero was an imposing person, back ramrod straight and still as he waited like a gun behind Nunnally. He only needed to be loaded and aimed for countries to crumble, and even though he didn’t talk as much - if at all - as he did before, his presence represented surety in Nunnally’s reign. And the sword that will cut her down if she doesn't act in the people's interest. 

Zero was the Britannian Sword or Damocles, handing ominously over the head of the crown, swaying slowly, threatening to fall. He was the guillotine that Nunnally lived with, and his presence in Pendragon put the world at ease. 

But he also killed her friend, so Milly’s reception of him was icy at best.

She wondered how Nunnally felt with her brother’s murderer shadowing her every step. Shirley’s flustered face danced across her mind, and her thoughts skidded to a halt.

“It’s been some time,” Nunnally greeted, her smile sweet as can be. “I’ve wanted to invite you sooner, but things . . . have been complicated, as you can expect.”

“We’re here for you always, Nunnally,” Milly swore. “Don’t stress yourself over it.”

Nunnally relaxed into her chair at her words, offering one of her real smiles, sincere and somehow, even sweeter. “Kallen couldn’t make it, but she will wants to hear about this later. For now, please, sit. Would you like something to drink?”

Rivalz and Milly followed her instructions but turned down the refreshments, and so the only one left standing was Zero. Nunnally did not offer him a seat.

“So, about my brother.” If Nunnally rolled her chair a little ways away from her shadow, then Milly pretended not to notice. “Are there more of these videos?”

“Uh,” Milly pulled out her phone, “I have one more of him actually doing things and not loitering in the background of me pulling pranks.”

“I have two.” Rivalz smiled his old smile and it felt like school for a second. Milly relished in it. “Do you want us to stop, though? Because, if it bothers you or hurts you in any way, we’ll stop and take down the others, Nunnally, I promise.”

Nunnally was more expressive with her eyes open, so the surprise on her face was plain as day. Milly was a little caught off guard as well by Rivalz's promise. Maybe, since Lelouch was gone, Rivalz took up his friend’s mantle of protecting Nunnally.

Milly gave a small smile before agreeing. “We swear, just give the word.”

“What? No, no, that’s not what I called you in for.” Nunnally lifted her hand as if to physically stop the conversation. “I was just wondering how many there were. I -”

Her voice caught, and her purple eyes darted away to look at the ground. Her hand was shaking from where it hung in the air before Nunnally drew it down to fist in her skirts. Behind her, Zero made some sort of aborted motion as if to reach for her, and Milly couldn’t live with the thought that this man even  _ trying  _ to comfort her and went to her side.

She kneeled down by Nunnally’s wheelchair and took her hand gently in her own and waited for the little girl to stutter out her sentence without drawing attention to the tears in her eyes.

“I - the, uh, first time I saw him as - as a seventeen year old . . . he didn’t look, or I guess, act like the brother I knew. It was like a nightmare at the time, something so evil wearing his face, but still I -” Nunnally took a breath. “I still want to see him, and not - not as a terrorist or as an emperor, but as he was as I knew him.”

She wiped a tear away. “I have pictures,but - I was with him everyday at Ashford, or was, I suppose, and I know the stories and remember the sounds of laughter and - and. I wished to see it, too, but that time is over. At least I thought it was. I was content to live with the fact that I wouldn’t get to really see how pretty Shirley was, what Suzaku really looked like at all, or how cluttered the student council room could get, or what my- my brother looked like caring f-for me.”

Milly drew the young empress into her arms and felt Rivalz join them, ignoring her own tears.

“Then I saw those videos, and I couldn’t believe it. I couldn’t believe I remember it, lived it even. I just wanted to know what more you h-had, and if you would share . . .”

“Of course we’d share,” Rivalz’s voice was thick. “Who else has a right to see them if not you.”

“I have their pictures,” Nunnally repeated, pulling something out of her pocket. “I asked for them as soon as I could. I keep them with me everyday . . .”

There were four pictures, class photos with the genetic light blue background. Shirley’s hair was almost neon against it, her smile just as bright. Suzaku’s expression was open in the way it was always closed, so friendly but so far away. Lelouch’s picture was perfect; perfect lighting, perfect pose, perfect look. It was an unassuming smile, and the only reason you would even remember it was because of how handsome he was.

_ He hid it so well,  _ Milly thought.

The fourth picture was one she had never seen before. It was a little more worn than the others either from genuine age or handling. Nunnally seemed almost reluctant to share this one, but she held it out regardless. 

It was of a beautiful boy, dressed in fine regalia, holding a flower in a royal garden. He was smiling at the camera, soft and serene, as if someone he truly cared about was behind the lens. 

“This is how I remember him,” Nunnally whispered. “This was how he was.”

Connecting this Lelouch with the adult that smiled as Nunnally lay chained to the bottom of his podium must be impossible. For Nunnally, not only did Lelouch’s appearance change from the last time she saw him, but his soul did too. 

The world had completely changed in between blinks for Nunnally.

“There are more videos,” Milly’s voice was almost swallowed by her tears. “We can show you right now if you want.”

“No,” Nunnally admitted, “I want to . . . to wait a second. Just - don’t leave just yet.”

“Of course,” Rivalz’s arms tightened around them. “We’re right here.”

“We love you, Nunnally,” Milly swore, hugging the girl closer.

Zero was right behind her, in Milly’s line of sight, his posture different from the tensed spring before. It was loose, not in a relaxed way but as if a puppet’s strings had been cut, free falling without a net. His hands were loose at his sides, trembling slightly as if overcome by something.

Milly couldn’t help but glare at him through her red, teary eyes, and the man actually flinched.

_ Good,  _ She thought,  _ this is your fault. _

But Milly couldn’t hold to that train of thought, not with memories of Lelouch’s mad cackle, not with Shirley’s funeral in mind, and not with the horrifying relief she felt when it was finally over.

She looked away, ducking her face into Nunnally’s hair.

Milly couldn’t judge Zero for doing what was best, even if what was best was the most painful thing Milly had ever lived through.


	3. Chaos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you once again for the wonderful feedback! 
> 
> I won't keep you, though. On with the show!

“Sayoko-san taught me,” Nunnally announced proudly, holding a paper bird delicately in her hands.

“And she’s insanely good at it,” Lelouch smiled at his sister before glaring down at his own wrinkled crane. “Though I don’t know how she makes it look so easy.”

Nunnally’s laughter filled the speakers of the computer as she reached for another piece of colored paper. “It just takes practice. Do another one, though, so we can double the amount for today.”

“Okay, okay, I’m on it.” Lelouch laughed as he did as told.

“And you need a thousand of these things, why?” Milly’s voice was loud since she was holding the camera.

“Sayoko-san says that if you fold a thousand paper cranes, you can make a wish.” Nunnaly explained, effortlessly pressing down on the folds even though she couldn’t see them. Lelouch meanwhile, was hunched over the table as if he could glare the creases to be straight.

“Woah, really? What will you wish for?” The camera zoomed in on Nunnally’s happy face. The secret princess shook her head slightly, smiling mischievously.

“It won’t come true if I say, sorry!” Nunnally held a finger up to her lips and laughed as Milly bemoaned being out of the loop on something.

“Fine, fine, fine!” Milly cried, defeated. “Can you at least disclose how many you two have already made?”

Lelouch and Nunnally share a look even though only one of them sees it. 

“Well, Sayoko-san helps somethings, and then there’s the three Nunnally makes everyday. I help out when I can so . . .?” Lelouch’s hand came up to cup his chin. “About three hundred, I believe. I’ll count later to be sure.”

Nunnally giggled. “Our wish is a tad ways away.”

“Yeah,” Lelouch admitted, but his tone was different. As if he was talking about something else entirely.

Another clue Milly couldn’t believe she missed.

“Well, if it’s a cultural thing, maybe Suzaku can help you.” Milly’s hand can be seen reaching towards the table and picking up Nunnally’s finished pastel pink crane, holding it in front of the camera and turning it slowly to get all sides. “I bet he’s made plenty of these before.”

“Oh, that’s a wonderful idea!” Nunnlly clapped in excitement.

“Kallen might be able to help out, too.” Lelouch smoothly added. “She’s got the patience for it, and if we teach her, she’ll have something to do whenever she’s out sick.”

“It’s settled then!” The camera angle shifts as Milly stands up. “I’ll make paper-crane folding a council activity, and everyone can learn!”

“It’s called origami,” Lelouch teased, smiling at the camera.

“Onigiri, right!” 

“Wait, not that’s what we had for lunch yesterday -”

“I’ll go get the others now, don’t miss me too much, my lovelies!” 

The camera shut off.

This video received over a million dislikes which was surprising since it was the only one with Nunnally in it.

Some of the Britannians hated it for obvious reasons that they could easily hide with culturally accepted Lelouch-hate, but the Japanese had a different reaction. Many of them were already confused and hurt by Lelouch - the original Zero - and seeing him learning and respecting their culture was weird to say the least.

Some found it offensive, perverting their heritage for his own use. 

Other’s remembered what it was like before Zero and how it felt after his first known victory. They remembered that first hope after years of despair.

People’s hearts were a jumbled mess, and even the empty threats of shutting down her account weren’t enough to assuage Milly because there was a reason for this now.

She remembers a little girl, orphaned and scared, sobbing in her arms, begging her to give back one small piece of a time she was truly happy with the family she loved.

Nevermind that Kallen hasn’t spoken to her when Milly knew she knew who was posting these.

That was the last video Milly had of him, and she would argue it was the most important.

News reports, documentaries, and other videos were being posted about these not-so-lost videos. There were theories over who was posting them; they got it right that if was one of Lelouch’s old friends from school, but they hadn’t figured out that it was multiple since they kept rotating accounts. People talked as if this was new propaganda or a new political party rising from the dead to ruin the fragile peace they had barely gotten to experience. But Milly was not Lelouch; this was personal and just for healing.

Though, she supposed, Lelouch used his personal problems and healing process to redraw the borders of countries.

Milly sighed and sunk into her desk chair, wishing she could sink right through it and into the floor. She had given all she had, but it didn’t feel like enough. Not enough for Nunnally to reaquant herself with her brother.

Milly leaned her head back, rubbing her eyes to try and stave off an oncoming headache. There just seemed like there was more that could be done . . .

The text notification made her jump. 

Stifling a groan, Milly reached out and snatched her phone from her desk.

Her irritation was wiped away when she saw the ID. 

_ “How can you do this?” _

Milly had tried to keep in touch with Nina, she still called at least once a week, but the genius sunk so far into herself after the war that reaching her felt nearly impossible. Milly hasn’t stopped trying, though.

_ “For Nunnally” _

_ “She asked for it?” _

_ “Yes. I don’t have any anymore, though. Rivalz has a few left.” _

_ “So he’s in on this too.” _

Milly didn’t know what to say to that, but she wanted to keep Nina talking. This was the longest they’ve spoken for at least a year.

_ “Nunnally said she wanted to see.” _

There wasn’t a response, and Milly was convinced she blew it. She typed out a few more sentences, deleting all of them because what could she say? Where does she start rebuilding something so broken?

It was two hours later that Nina texted back, and Milly just about dived for her phone when she heard it ding.

_ “He killed her.” _

Milly knew. Nina may not like it, but Milly knew.

_ “He did.” _

_ “He killed Shirley, too.” _

This one hurt more, and Milly wanted to argue it. We don’t know, it might have been an accident - but how would that help Nina?

_ “Yes. She’s gone, too.” _

A three hour pause between texts.

_ “You’re doing it for Nunnally?” _

Milly texted back right away.

_ “She deserves to see what we saw.” _

It was 5:00 am when Nina texted Milly back who didn’t see it until the next day.

_ “Ok.” _

Milly could feel herself start to hope.

_ “Ok.” _

Later that day, around lunchtime, another video was uploaded under an unrecognizable username.

There wasn’t any audio, and it appeared to be from one of Ashford’s security cameras in the commons, but you could easily see Lelouch running like a maniac after a cat.

There was something on its head - the not knowing really does eat Milly up, sometimes - and Lelouch was doing his damndest to catch it. 

The clip was about nine seconds long, but it was long enough to see Lelouch run right into a bush and fall flat on his face. He laid there for a second, as if aquaniting himself with his current situation, before standing up again and running like the unathletic nerd he was.

Milly actually laughed when she saw it, not like the rest of her coworkers who were crackling over seeing the Demon Emperor crash and burn, but as an adult looking back on happier times.

She was able to confirm Rivalz’s iquiring text after the video had been up for two hours - the #DemonWatch alerted the public to new videos popping up, so it doesn’t take long for everyone to see it.

_ “Was that Nina?” _

_ “I think so. I talked to her last night.” _

_ “Oh.  _

_ “Is she okay?” _

_ “Better I think, but we have to keep trying.” _

_ “On it, Prez!” _

Two days later, the hashtag was used on another video - it was easier to hide who was posting them with Nina working. 

Rivalz was filming Lelouch walking into their regular gambling spot, leisurely entering the building as if he owned it, and smiling over his shoulder at the camera.

“Who are we up against today?” Rivalz asked, voice rich with excitement.

“We?” Lelouch teased, “What do you do, exactly?”

“Hey, I’m your ride! Show some respect!” Rivalz’s hand jabs out and pushes Lelouch’s shoulder as they laugh.

“Okay, okay, it’s some noble that’s heard about me,” Lelouch faced front again, his smile falling into a cocky smirk. “Heard he’s pretty good, too.”

“What, are you worried?” Rivalz went from prideful to anxious in one sentence, but Lelouch assuaged him.

“No, it’ll be easy, but we should bet more money.”

“Ohhhhh, right, right. Good plan.” 

Lelouch falls out of the frame as Rivalz makes his way towards the staircase.

“No, no no, it’s one the tenth floor, we’re taking the elevator.” Lelouch’s voice was heard off camera.

“Oh, come on.” Rivalz turned back to the ex-prince, getting a shot of Lelouch looking less than amused with his briefcase in his hand. “It’ll be good for you.”

“Heh, no way, I’ll need my wits about me if we’re going to do this and devolving into a wheezing, sweaty mess in front of an arrogant opponent is not a way to win any points.” Lelouch turned towards the elevator and started walking, the camera shaking as Rivalz jogged a bit to reach him.

“You’re ridiculous.” Rivalz accused as they got inside.

“And yet, here you are, Mr. Driver.” Lelouch pressed a button and faced him. “And why the heck are you recording, anyway?”

“Gotta get some memories, man! What if when we’re older, we completely forget we used to do this?” Rivalz shook the camera for emphasis.

Lelouch rolled his eyes fondly. “If memories faded that fast, I don’t think you’d remember who your primary school teacher was.”

“You’ll be sad when we graduate and you don’t have videos and pictures.” Rivalz said.

Lelouch just laughed and the two lapsed into silence as they rode the elevator up.

“Hey, Lelouch?” 

“Hm?”

“What are you going to do when you get out of Ashford?”

The camera was facing down, as if Rivalz was on the fence about turning it off or not as he waited for Lelouch’s answer. 

“I don’t know. I don’t really have any ambitions . . . I don’t have a plan or anything other than trying to take care of Nunnally. But does it matter what happens?”

“What do you mean?”

“What does it matter when one nameless student graduates? With no power, no title, and no drive, you’re not even a blip on history’s map. Someone like me can’t affect any outcome because no matter how much you want to, you can’t change the world.”

There was silence afterwards, both in the video and the viewing public who could only sit stunned. 

“That’s pretty heavy, dude, I had just meant like college or a job or something.” Rivalz gave a little laugh that was a little too distracted to come off as trying to lighten the mood. 

“Haha, sorry.” Lelouch didn’t sound sorry at all. “ Maybe I’ll just keep doing this forever.” 

The doors open and the two students walk out of the elevator into a loud, crowded room. 

“You’re just gonna professionally gamble?” Rivalz laughed. 

“Why not? Oh - cut the camera, people won’t want to be filmed here.” 

“Right, right.”

The video ends, and the world erupts. 


	4. Hurt

Princess Cordelia had to give a public statement after Rivalz’s latest video, and Milly watched, nervous that they were going to tell them to stop. 

Worried what would happen if they made this illegal and what would happen because she wanted to keep posting anyway. 

Everyone was talking, arguing about propriety and sensitivity and terrorists. Who was watching them, what were their views, is there going to be another war, and Milly just wanted to scream no, it was just for us. The Ashford Academy Student Council, not you and your culture or your beliefs, just us. 

Just the ones who are left.

Princess Cordelia spoke on Nunnally’s behalf, though, thank goodness, and beseeched the public to just ignore the videos. This person, and she did claim it was only one, just wanted to stir up their lives and bring forth unrest. 

Milly wondered how much Cordelia knew. She wondered if she watched them to see her little brother. 

This didn’t assuage people too much; there were still some who just wanted to rage against the idea of anyone watching them at all and about those videos being in the public. 

Milly was texting Nunnally, and she mentioned something that cut through her righteous fury. 

_ “They don't know him enough to hate him personally. They hate the symbol he turned himself into.” _

Milly didn’t sleep well that night. 

Nina had posted another video by the time she woke up. It was of a memory she had completely forgotten which was somewhat embarrassing because she had recorded it herself on Nina’s phone because her own had died. 

Milly’s giggles were trying to be stifled as the camera peaked out from behind a door frame, trying not to be seen. Lelouch and Suzaku were standing alone in one of the clubhouse’s empty rooms. Suzaku was red in the face and tense while Lelouch looked put upon. 

“Come on, you asked me to do this.” Lelouch folded his arms. 

“I know,” Suzaku snapped. “It’s just . . .”

“If you’re this embarrassed about it, you should’ve asked one of the girls.”

“But … what if I mess up?”

You could hear Milly try not to scream. 

“And you’d rather mess up with me than with them?”

“Don’t be an ass, Lelouch, I’m actually worried about this. The ceremony is two days from now, and they expect us to dance.” Suzaku whined. “I don’t know any Britannian dances! I’m going to embarrass her!”

Behind the camera, Milly choked and Nina shushed her. 

“Okay, one” Lelouch held up a finger. “I seriously doubt Euphie would be ashamed of you for anything, and two, then let’s start practice. It’s just the waltz, right?”

“Yeah, first it’s with the princess and then anyone who asks, so hopefully I’ll only have to do this once.” 

“Ha! Unlikely,” Lelouch walked forward and grabbed Suzaku’s hands, getting them in position. “People will want to see you go down, so the claws of every cat will be sharpened just to sink into you.”

“I’m not cut out for politics. I just hit things,” Suzaku pouted, face still beet red. 

“If you want sympathy, you’re talking to the wrong person,” Lelouch dug a small remote out of his pocket and pointed it at a stereo that started playing a waltz. “Watch me for a second, we start on this foot.”

The lesson went on for a while in silence with bits of advice thrown out when needed. Lelouch was gracefully sliding across the dance floor with an ease that comes from years of practice, and Suzaku was doing his best to do the same but stumbling sometimes. 

“Thank you for this,” The soldier spoke after a while. “I know it pisses you off.”

“If everything that pissed me off required your attention, you wouldn’t have enough time for anything else.”

“Wow. All those words, and you didn’t say anything at all.” 

“What do you want me to say then?” Lelouch almost snapped. “That I’m happy you adjust to court life so well? That Britannian colors suit you? Thought you didn’t want me to lie.”

“You know why I’m doing this -!”

“Yes, and nothing I say will assuage you, I know. Trust me, I know,” Lelouch stopped them. “If I thought I could get you to stop this I would’ve done so by now.”

“This is the best way, less bloodshed. Terrorism won’t solve these problems, and people like Zero are only making it worse!” Suzaku let go of him. “With Princess Euphemia there's a real chance for peace, not some fake respite the Black Knights are operating under.”

“So you’ve said,” Lelouch’s voice was low. “You really think Euphie can fix everything?”

“I believe in the world she wants, and I’m going to help her make it,” Suzaku straightened, defensive but proud. 

“She’s kind,” Lelouch admitted, looking to the side. “She’s always been too kind …”

Suzaku relaxed a fraction, reaching out to touch Lelouch’s shoulder. “Maybe that’s what the world needs.”

Lelouch’s head snapped up, and his expression is one of affection but laced with an incredulous exasperation. It was like he was listening to a toddler giving advice about quantum physics. 

“Kindness,” Lelouch repeated, shaking his head and stepping away. “God, I wish.”

“Lelouch -“ Suzaku reaches for him again, but the other moves farther away, walking towards the door Milly and Nina were hiding behind. 

“Just practice those steps and you’ll be fine. I’ll see you later.” 

The camera was shaky as Milly and Nina ran as fast and as quietly as they could away from the ballroom, breaths coming out in frantic pants. Once they ran around three corners, they finally stopped. The camera was filming the tile floor since Milly’s hand was at her side.

“What -” Nina panted, “What were they talking about?”

“I - I don’t know,” Milly answered, lying through her teeth. She had suspected Suzaku of knowing who Lelouch and Nunnally really were, and that just about confirmed it. “But that seemed a little - a little too personal, doesn’t it?”

The camera moved a bit, facing the wall now as Milly held it up. “Oh, it’s still recording. Thanks for letting me use your phone, Nina, but just delete it, okay? I - I need to go.”

“Milly!” The camera was shoved into Nina’s hands as Milly hastily walked away, mind full of the past and of secrets. The camera recorded for a second longer before Nina turned it off.

Nina used to listen to everything Milly said, and she couldn’t help how proud she felt that she didn’t delete it. Milly had understood most of that conversation when she first heard it, but with the context the present provides, it just made everything so much worse.

The murder trial Suzaku was invovled in was the very first time Zero appeared as Zero. His friend was in trouble, so Lelouch used what he had to save him and probably even asked Suzaku to join the Black Knights at the time. His best friend turned him down and went with the people who Lelouch hated more than anything.

Britannian Prince fighting for Japan, and the Japanese Prime Minister’s son fighting for Britannia. Shakespeare couldn’t have written anything more tragic.

And for the cherry on top, Rivalz had posted the same day as well, exactly three minutes after Nina’s. 

It was a shaky clip of Lelouch sliding off the roof during the cat debacle, Suzaku swiftly saving him from the nasty fall. There was only time for that short exchange, but, after seeing the other new video, it cut deeper somehow.

Of course there were those bemoaning the fact that Suzaku didn’t let him fall. Some people were even saying that both of them should’ve cracked their skulls on the concrete, but too many were talking about the sheer concept of these videos existing.

Lelouch was turning into a person in the eyes of the public. His insecurities, quirks, jokes, and ambitions on the internet for anyone to explore. If Lelouch had been alive today, he would’ve been mortified. Lelouch would have spewed some crap about the monarch of a country not needing to be seen as human but as a symbol and an imposing force that others look for as a sign of strength, bla, bla, bla.

For the first time since he died, Milly allowed herself to miss conversations with Lelouch without guilt.

One of the bigger controversies with Nina’s video was the talk of the late Princess Euphemia. Kind? Less bloodshed? Hearing those words in association with the Massacre Princess would almost be laughable if it wasn’t so recent.

But that sparks talk of Geass, and the citizens of both Britannia and Japan can’t reach an agreement on that. 

Some believe it, some claim it to be a drug or some government ploy, an excuse for old traitors and new tyrants to not be responsible for their actions when asked in war trials. Those who have first hand experience with Geass, however, know how it changes things. Loyal Britannian soldiers and nobility turned into pawns. Sweet, innocent princesses turned into killers. 

It’s not that far fetched, but Milly probably would’ve been on the fence about it as well if Zero himself hadn’t asked some cyborg he knew to relieve Rivalz and Milly of their own Geass.

Milly shivered, remembering a time when she had forgotten everything about Nunnally and knew everything about an assassin named Rolo. She was sobbing through the whole thing, mourning things she lost and things that never went away. 

A small part of her had hoped that Geass was the reason she thought Shirley was dead, and as soon as it was gone, they’d be able to see her again. Maybe at some safehouse, or in a different country, and she just wished, wished, wished.

Nothing though. 

Just Milly having just enough emotional stability to ask Zero one question.

“Was it Lelouch who did this to us?”

She could see herself reflected in his helmet. Her puffy red eyes, the tears and snot making her face shiney, and not for the first time did she wonder who was looking back at her.

“No,” he answered, “this was the Geass of Charles. It wasn’t Lelouch.”

Milly had started crying again at that, and Zero stood uselessly by before giving up on whatever he had planned to do after freeing them and left. 

Milly supposed it was around that time she started to forgive Lelouch and probably the key reason she kept posting the videos even before Nunnally asked them to. 

How did everything end up so messy?

The texts from Rivalz and Nina later on that day sent her to tears faster than her memories did.

_ “That was my last one.” _

_ “I don’t have any more.” _


	5. Lost

When the videos stopped popping up, people talked about them more.

There were bogus theories of the perpetrator being arrested even though Cornelia had said this wasn’t illegal. Or of them being killed in secret by government agents. That they probably had an ‘accident’ or something along the same vein.

No, Milly thought, there just wasn’t anything left. 

Milly went to work like she used to before posting that first video, talked in front of a camera, and went home. This went on for a month, and Milly didn’t know if she felt better or not.

Was this closure? The catharsis she wanted? Did Nunnally have enough? Was this even something that can be measured by ‘enough’?

It was becoming old news now - though, Lelouch would always be a popular subject - but people were moving on to other things. Princess Cornelia was getting married, Empress Nunnally was seen holding a kitten, Zero’s cape got caught under her wheelchair, and the like.

Maybe people just wanted to ignore the thought that a person, not a demon, not personified evil, but a student like so many others was capable of such violence. Maybe it’s just easier to sweep it under the rug and call Lelouch Satan and be done with it.

Maybe if Milly had done that, she wouldn’t be going through the motions of her life, feeling like she’s left a job half finished.

Milly Ashford is not the type to half ass anything.

But there was nothing left. 

On the bright side, Nunnally, Nina, Rivalz, and Milly talked more than they used to. Maybe it had healed something between them, mended some bridges. Nina had no clue who Rolo was, and, after getting some information, she did what she did best and went to work.

She dug through endless amounts of cyberspace and finally locked down a classified folder that was just named Lelouch Lamprogue, Ashford Academy.

Inside was the most invading thing Milly had ever seen.

Detailed accounts, videos, and entries of Lelouch’s everyday life after the news was notified that Sir Kururugi had arrested the terrorist known as Zero. Where he slept, what he ate, who he talked to everyday - Milly’s and Rivalz’s name was mentioned almost as much as Lelouch’s - and personal reports by Rolo on whether or not his father’s Geass was slipping.

There would be weekly tests, mentions or pictures of Nunnally hidden in plain sight -even some of their mother - stories Rolo would mention hearing that were actually events from Lelouch’s life, and if he didn’t recognize any of it then he got to live another day.

They listed the names of his retainers, their old gym coach and Suzaku being some of them, and Milly almost threw up when she saw the control room hidden under the school.

It almost made her understand Lelouch’s rage. Almost made her want to tear down Pendragon herself, and that was the scariest part of this discovery.

Nina took it upon herself to leak these to the public, posting links to it on various social media sights including news sites.

There was a storm of cyber screaming about this; some calling it inhumane, others claiming it not to be true because if the crown was watching him this closely how could Lelouch still act as Zero. There was actual proof this time, and people reacted to it as if it was the ye old Geass debate.

There was only one good thing that seemed to come from leaking that file, and it was the fact that after it had been up for two days (even though people were trying their damndest to take it down) Kallen texted.

_ “I’ve got something. Do what you will with it.” _

There was a video attached. 

Milly shared it with Nina and Rivalz first before posting it, and it was a video that Milly had never seen before, at a place she had never been.

The camera was filming a suite with two couches, a coffee table, a bookshelf, and a bed all in frame.

There were two people sitting in the living area, an active chess game in play between them. Lelouch was wearing his Zero outfit, complete with everything but the mask, his hand covering the bottom half of his face as he thought.

A beautiful woman sat across from him, green hair falling around her like her own cape, and her gold eyes watched Lelouch with a bored expression before turning towards the camera.

“Why are you filming?” The woman’s voice was melodic but sad, as if she had said the same thing over and over for centuries without anyone listening to her. It reminded Milly of how her teachers would sound when they grew tired of repeating themselves. 

Lelouch glanced over as she spoke, frowning in disapproval. “Kallen, you can see my face -”

“I know, I know, and I promise no one will find it, but I  _ had  _ to get this on camera.” 

It had been a long time since Milly had heard Kallen’s voice.

Lelouch was still frowning, but he returned to the game.

“So you say, but he’s just going to find it and delete it later,” the woman drawled.

“You can trust me, come on,” Kallen walked over and thumped Lelouch gently on the head and laughed as he batted her hand away. “C.C., don’t act like you won’t want to see this later, I mean, seriously!”

The camera focused and zoomed in on the chess board. 

“He’s actually losing! This is amazing!”

Milly was positive she had never met or even seen this woman much less heard the name C.C., and with her memories restored, Milly was sure that was always the case. She would remember someone like her.

C.C.’s head lolled to the side as she gave Kallen an amused look. “I wouldn’t be too sure of that.”

“What?” Kallen asked, but C.C. was already ignoring her.

“Just get it over with, Lelouch, this is boring me.” 

Milly wished she had the balls to say that to people.

Lelouch’s eyes moved from the board to C.C.’s face, glowering. “I’m testing something out. What could you possibly have that’s better to do?”

“Eating pizza,” she said with utter sincerity.

“Wait, I don’t understand,” Kallen cut in, speaking for everyone. “It looks like you’re losing. How can you possibly come back from that?”

Lelouch moved a rook and looked at C.C. and gestures for her to play. 

“I’m done,” C.C. announced.

Lelouch sighed but reached out to move her piece anyway. “See, with how this is set up, she only has this move, but if her knight ends up here, all my queen has to do is slide right up and push it into retreating, and that opens the queen up to checkmate.”

He acted all of this out, proudly placing the black queen in front of the white king. “Game over.”

“Woah,” Kallen breathed, “and you only had five pieces left.”

“Why practice this?” C.C. asked. 

Lelouch leaned back on the couch, stretching his arms over his head and then took off his cloak. “Why practice being in the worst case scenario? Can't you riddle that out yourself?” 

“You expect to be cornered like that?” 

“If one doesn’t expect failure and plan for it, they have no right to be surprised when it appears,” Lelouch said, eyes staring blankly at the ceiling. “We’re in the endgame now. We can’t afford mistakes, and I feel like I’m losing hold of the Black Knights.”

The entire world gasped at this, and those ex-Black Knights almost went catatonic. He had expected them to turn on him?

“What?!” Kallen screeched, camera moving rapidly as her hands flailed. “How can you say that? We’re with you 100%, Lelouch, don’t count us out!”

“I may have to use the trump card that is my identity,” Lelouch admitted. “If things get too close with Schniezel in charge, I’m going to pull for whatever leway I can.”

“You think he might show mercy?” C.C. asked in a voice that said ‘think it through before you answer’.

Lelouch laughed and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, hands clasped. “No, I don’t think he’d care, but he’d have to pretend and that could be useful.”

So much was left unsaid in that conversation. Not even a hint of Lelouch’s other identity, the prince. How could Lelouch even keep anything in his life straight? He was just wrapped in names; Zero over Lamprogue, Lamprogue over vi Britannia. All boxed in them like layers. Keep peeling and maybe he’s someone else, and who knows which one is real.

Or maybe they all were, in fractions.

Kallen had gotten the sense that they were about to talk about something better left off camera, and the video ended.

The uproar this video saw was more than all of the others combined. Ohgi had to address it, had to appease the Japanese people because this wasn’t a school video of a kid they could pretend wasn’t Zero, wasn’t their savior and their doom. This was him, in costume, talking to Kouzuki Kallen, in the Black Knight’s base. This was Lelouch talking out loud about who he was, both to Britannia and to Japan, and how he can use that in a plan of attack.

Maybe that’s the closest to Lelouch being who he really was.

But the knowledge that he expected it, that this man was so smart that he even called the path the Black Knights would take under Schneizel even before the FLEIJA. 

Nothing was really out of the ballpark for him, and everyone was realizing it.

How terrifying it must be, to know of the genius of your enemy, to know that everything you did, he knew of and allowed.

Which brought forth an even more troubling question:

If Lelouch could foresee the Black Knights betraying him, could he have foresaw his own assassination?

Milly was listening to a podcast,  _ In the Eye of the Devil,  _ when she heard that theory. She had to throw off her headphones and back away from her phone as if it was a coiled snake ready to bite her. She fell to the floor in her office, hyperventilating as her coworkers started yelling and grabbing her in case she fainted.

_ That is so much worse _ , Milly thought, fingers shaking from where they were holding onto her own arms, that is  _ so, so much worse. _

If he had known - and now that she thought about it, of course he did - then he planned for it. Either his countermeasures fell through, or Lelouch just welcomed it.

_ So much worse. _

He knew, Oh my God, Lelouch had known when he was going to die.

When Milly calmed down, she went home, staving off offers to drive her or take her to the hospital. She just wanted her bed and some coffee in her favorite mug (Lelouch used to make the coffee at the clubhouse, and she had never found a mix half as good) and never get on the internet again.

She didn’t want to think.

Didn’t want to wonder, and definitely didn’t want to hear someone else’s thoughts about it.

Milly was able to live like that for three days until her notifications started buzzing like crazy. #DemonWatch was ablaze with more chaos than ever seen before, and Nina and Rivalz were blowing up her phone with messages in all caps.

“What the hell?” Milly wondered out loud as twitter was loading. 

There was a video link. 

But no one had said anything? Nina and Rivalz didn’t have any more, Milly certainly didn’t, and Kallen hadn’t spoken to her since she uploaded her video eight weeks ago. Maybe she had found more? Or someone else from school had videos and were posting it, but that doesn’t explain this response.

Milly read some of the responses before clicking the link.

_ “What does this mean? What the FUCK does this mean?” _

_ “This can’t be real” _ __   
  


_ “Fake” _

_ “I’m not fucking breathing” _

_ “WHAT” _

_ “I don’t understand , is the royal family going to give a statement about this???” _

_ “Everybody calm down this is just some eleven propaganda or some other idiotic shit” _

_ “Excuse me, you racist asshole, but these are YOUR people, why don’t you focus on _

_ THAT?” _

_ “So . . . . he’s . . . good ????!!!!” _

_ “I give up. I don’t understand anything anymore.” _

_ “I regret having an internet connection” _

_ “YOUTUBE TAKE THIS DOWN ALREADY” _

_ “Did we mess up?” _

Milly clicked the link, read the video title, and screamed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys already know what's coming.


	6. Found

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You all might want to give a thanks to SunsetDawn for writing a comment that made my day and pushed me to post this a day earlier than I planned. (Btw, I studied Japanese, not German, but I did put in a small joke about the two)
> 
> Thank you all so much for all of your attentions. Your reception to my story made writing and posting easier, and for anyone who’s read my other stuff, you know I have an awful habit of going on hiatus randomly.
> 
> I hope this story made you laugh and cry and even rewatch the show. Thank you so much for reading.

“Fuck you, Lelouch!” someone screamed, holding a wobbling camera up to the face of a very pissed off ten year old. “Admit you cheated!”

Lelouch scowled and tried to shove the camera away, his smooth palm taking up the entire screen. “You can’t cheat at chess, you dumbass! And you can’t yell ‘fuck’ at me - I taught you that word!”

“I can so! You don’t own the English language, you spoiled prince!” Kururugi Suzaku really could scream when he got angry. Milly has to turn down the volume. “Just because you can’t yell at me in Japanese doesn’t mean I can’t yell at you!”

“If your language wasn’t so stupid, I could!” Lelouch screamed back.

“It’s not stupid!”

“You guys conjugate _adjectives!”_ Lelouch stressed. “Into past and present tense _and_ into positive and negative! An _adjective!”_

“English is worse!” Suzaku argued. “All of your words mean the same thing or, are like, are an _different_ language. You just randomly throw French in there wherever - like _colleague?_ You’re telling me that’s part of the English language?”

“You did _not_ just say that when katakana exists - your word for a part time job is a German word said in a Japanese accent!”

“Yeah, and you still can’t spell it.”

“ _What do you mean ‘yeah’?_ You just agreed with me! And I can say it, at least - I signed up for Japanese so why the hell are you teaching me German words -!”

“アルバイトis a _Japanese -_ “

“Are you two fighting _again?”_

At the sound of the soft voice, both boys quieted down. Suzaku stopped trying to press the camera against Lelouch’s face and instead turned it towards a frail little girl in a rickety wheel chair.

“Nunnally,” Lelouch said. “I’m sorry, did we wake you up?”

“No,” she wheeled closer. “I’ve been up for a while. I just thought it was still nighttime.”

Milly flinched so hard when she heard that - taking the sentence like a knife wound.

Lelouch went to her side, taking her hand and smiling even though she couldn’t see it. “Just barely, it’s 7:00 am.”

“Why are you two arguing about so early?” Nunnally asked. 

Suzaku walked over to the siblings. “We were playing chess, and Lelouch cheated.”

“I did not!” Lelouch seemed to be having whiplash over returning to the original topic. “How many times do I have to tell you - _you can’t cheat at chess!”_

Suzaku made a sound like he was inhaling to fire back a retort but was cut off by Nunnally’s laugh. The two boys looked at her in confusion until she got her giggles under control.

“You two get all wound up about the strangest things,” Nunnaly smiled. “Imagine what you could do if you worked together instead of as opponents.”

This comment seemed to throw the two boys for a loop, and Lelouch looked at Suzaku from behind the camera. 

Lelouch eventually smiled, a little crooked thing full of mischief. “That depends on if Suzaku can take orders.”

Ever one to rise to the bait, Suzaku bit back, “that depends on if Lelouch has orders worth following.”

The camera shut off and that clip ended, but the video still went on. There was a black screen only for about twenty seconds, and Milly wondered if it was broken. It finally clicked to life, and Milly flinched.

Lelouch, eighteen years old and ruler of the entire world, smiled at the camera in full royal regalia.

“Hey,” his voice was smooth but heavy with emotion and news. “I’ll be lying if I said I always wondered why people started this way, but there really isn’t any other way to put it, so I’ll give into cliche. If you’re watching this video, it means I’m dead.”

The world stopped spinning.

“Of course, you already know that,” Lelouch waved his hand as if to dismiss something, “since you’re the one who killed me, Zero.”

Milly’s phone rang - Rivalz was calling - and she hastily turned it off, not wanting to miss a second of this video.

Lelouch’s smile fell away a bit, that plastic expression giving way to something a little more genuine, and he cleared his throat. “Maybe I shouldn’t joke about that right now, the phrase ‘too soon’ is coming to mind. Nunnally never approved of that kind of talk anyway.”

Oh God, _Nunnally -_

“Anyway,” Lelouch looked off to the side and took off his emperor’s hat, “I know you will call me selfish for this, but since I’m dying on _my_ orders as opposed to anyone elses, I’m going to classify this as suicide. So here’s my note, I guess.”

Lelouch looked back at the camera, and for once he didn’t look like the emperor. He didn’t look like a terrorist. He looked like himself in a way Milly had almost forgotten existed. This wasn’t the brutality Vi Britannia, the pragmatism of Zero, nor the indifference of Lamperouge. It was Lelouch, and all of those things at once, just as Milly always suspected.

“I’m going to start with what all the notes start with,” his purple eyes closed as if in pain. “I’m sorry.”

The world was frozen, ridgid as a corpse watching this.

“I’m sorry about what happened, and I’m sorry that it came to this. I’m sorry we couldn’t do it your way, and I’m sorry I got innocents caught up in it. Shirley, Euphie - they were my fault, as I’m sure you know, and I’m just -” Lelouch’s voice caught which seemed to surprise him. He looked as if he was trying to compose himself for a second before the weight of the sky pushed too hard on him, and he gave up. What reason was there to hide his tears anymore? “I’m so _sorry.”_

Milly was hyperventilating.

“You deserve answers,” he was _crying,_ “and I plan on giving them to you, but I don’t want you to think I’m not apologetic for them. I don’t want this to sound like I’m making excuses because I know you’ll turn this off if you do - I _know_ you, S -”

Lelouch cleared his throat again. He paused, looking off to the side again for a brief second before steeling himself. His purple gaze was hard in a way an eggshell was hard, and he began. “Do you remember that terrorist attack that happened in Shinjuku? It all started there . . .”

Milly hadn’t noticed the time stamp when she opened this, but she sat and watched the whole thirty-five minutes and eighteen seconds. She listened as Lelouch laid bare his sins, this video a confession without reconciliation. She heard about Geass, she learned who C.C. was, and she learned about someone named Mao and what he did to Shirley. She heard about the Black Knights, and about V.V., and about Charles. She heard about Princess Euphemia and how she _knew,_ and about the tragedy that befell her. She learned about Jerimiah, and Anya, and Marianne. She learned about Schneizel and Cornelia, and about Suzaku.

There was a lot about Suzaku, but Lelouch spoke about him in a weird way. As if all of Suzaku’s information was known to the new Zero already. 

But Milly found that the main message of the video was something she had known already: that Lelouch didn't get off on hurting people, but he would do anything for Nunnally.

“She told me,” the Demon Emperor said, “she told me she wanted the world to be a kinder, gentler place. To get that, we need to end the cycle of hatred.”

He looked down at his shaking hands. “War always starts with a grievance, and there’s always going to be a reason to fight. Some people can’t live without it, and others just love it. I’m not exactly sure where I fall in that situation, but I guess it doesn’t really matter because I don’t _deserve_ anything other than war.”

He looked up, and Lelouch smiled. “You want to know why? Because I would do this again if it meant that the evil that haunts our steps could be pushed back - even for a little while. I would do everything again in order to get where we are now.”

The world was silent.

“By noon tomorrow, that last link holding our chains in place will be cut down with me. People will have finally had enough bloodshed,” Lelouch took a shuddering breath. “The problem with ending a war is that there isn’t one bad guy. There are so many people who did wrong but didn’t have a choice in it. So many people to blame who aren’t really at fault, so that hatred festers and rots inside us.”

Lelouch stood, staring straight at the camera, and while Milly could see sadness in his gaze, she didn’t see a hint of regret.

“That’s why _I'm_ going to become hatred. I’m going to become everything evil in this world, and by cutting me down, there will be peace,” Lelouch smiled even bigger. “You remember those stories I would tell you about dragon-slayers and the like? That’s what this is, Saint George. One swing of your sword, and everything will be better. You just have to face the dragon tomorrow and rescue the princess.”

Lelouch gave a proud nod. “Every bit the job of a knight.”

He had been small during this video, a seventeen year old in stature and heart, but Milly watched him grow back into his role. She watched his back straighten, and his lips quirk into a smirk. Boy to demon, human to dragon, all within three seconds.

“It’s downhill from here on out,” Lelouch promised. “I hope I was able to clear some things up, Zero, although whether or not you believe me is up to you. I’ll be waiting for you at the parade - I’ll be the one in white.”

He went to turn off the camera but paused in the process. The bottom half of his face was in view, and Milly got a good look on how his bottom lip trembled and how hard he tried to hold on to that smile even as tears fell down his cheeks.

“ _Damn it_ ,” he voice broke like glass, sharp and dangerous, but in pieces. “I have no fucking right to be scared.”

He brought the camera closer, the screen only a dark view of his chest as he cradled it. “ありがとう ございます。ごめんなさい。またあしたね。”

He pulled it up to his face one last time. His eyes were puffy, red rimmed, and his mouth was trembling as he tried to appear happy. “いもと, ごめんなさい。”

The video titled “What Lelouch Said Before He Died” ended, and what was left of Milly’s heart broke.

People talked about this for years, long after Empress Nunnally was dead and the world had been tentatively passed on to the new generation. There was a subject of history dedicated to the man named Lelouch vi Britannia and all of the things that were done by him and in his name. It was a respected field but full of strife and conspiracy. The public wasn’t too trusting about the information they were given nowadays. 

There were tours you could take to Ashford Academy, no longer a school but a museum and living memorial to the victims of Zero’s revolution. You could go and see where Milly Ashford ran the student council, the plaques on the walls giving insights to the students, who they were and what they did afterward. What they accomplished and how they died, and what the world thinks of them. You could go see where Britannia’s Demon Emperor and Angel Empress lived before and during the war. You could go to the indoor theater and see documentaries and the famous Lost Tapes and even visit the filmed locations. A green haired woman frequently visited, but she never smiled. 

There was much to learn, and the new generation, who could see from a slightly unbiased perspective, ate up this information. 

That’s a long ways away, though. Right now, around the world, many people didn’t know how to go forward with this.

Right now, Kallen was lying on the floor of her bathroom, a shattered glass of sake beside her after she had thrown it at the mirror.

Right now, Princess Cornelia was hugging her sister’s favorite pillow, a lacy, pink thing that Cornelia had stolen from her room the day she died. She slept with it every night, and at the moment, it served as a place to hide her tears.

Right now, Nina was sitting in her bathtub, the boiling water from the shower soaking through her clothes, but it was better than her neighbors hearing her scream.

Right now, Ohgi was lying in bed with his wife, both silent as they ran over what might have been and what they could have done differently.

Right now, many of the Black Knights were gathering together, silent and listless, and not for the first time wishing their Zero was still around to tell them what to do.

Right now, Jerimiah sat underneath an orange tree, gazing up at the waning moon, smiling in a bitterly sad way as he remembered someone he promised to protect. 

Right now, Rivalz was banging on Milly’s door, screaming for her to let him in because he didn’t know what he was going to do if he was alone.

Right now, Milly was replaying and pausing the video, freezing it on the moments when her friend looked young and unassuming. Isolating the frames in which he smiled even if it was the saddest thing she had ever seen. Memorising every inch of his apologetic face and running his confession over and over in her head. Her heart was lying in pieces on the floor.

Right now, C.C. was eight thousand six hundred and four miles away, standing in a grassy field as she looked up at the stars. She couldn’t remember what some of the constellations were called nowadays, but she allowed herself to miss the person who would have told her.

Right now, Nunnally vi Britannia, fresh tears still running rampant down her face, turned slowly to face the man behind her. His presence was just as overbearing as it always was, and she could see her red eyes reflected in his helmet. Her small hands trembled as they reached for him, and Zero dropped to his knees as he held them. His hands were shaking, too, she realized. 

Right now, she gently tugged at the tip of his finger, the black glove slipping off slowly, showing the rough hands of the man before her.

Right now, Nunnally was not blind, but instinct drove her to check something she already confirmed. Her smooth palm slid into his, and she stared into her own reflection. Nunnally reached out with her other hand, cradling the mask of the person who had haunted her nightmares for years.

Right now, Nunnally said his name.

And right now, Kururugi Suzaku broke down crying, his wails echoing in the office of the Empress. He tore off the Zero helmet as if it was burning him, green eyes heavy with heartbreak and hurt, and he drew Nunnally into his arms as they both broke down and mourned the loss of the most important person in their lives.

Right now, things still stung and hearts were still broken, but nothing stays like that forever. This world moves on, and someone put in a lot of effort to keep it that way. 

This world is not new to hurt, but we find it quite resilient. 

Right now, Lelouch would be smiling and putting away his chess board.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do not weep for those who have found Death's embrace early, for they weep for us that linger on in this mortal world of pain.
> 
> Stewart Stafford


End file.
